Not your Fault
by Fangirl Francesca
Summary: Ryan and Mike attend Debra's funeral. Implied Hardston. Spoiler alert for the season finale.


***Spoilers beyond this point***

**Plot: Mike and Ryan attend Debra Parker's funeral.**

**Characters/Ships: Ryan and Mike, implied Hardston**

**Note: Slightly AU in the sense that in this version, Ryan and Claire didn't get stabbed in the season finale.**

Not Your Fault

It's cliché but appropriate that it pours the day of Debra Parker's funeral. Everything is covered in a layer of sleet, and the world seems to have gone gray.

Ryan didn't know Parker long. He had only met her and Mike a few months ago, but the three of them had clicked. They didn't take each other's bullshit, they fought and yelled, but they had saved more lives together than they would have working alone.

There aren't as many people at the funeral as Ryan had expected. A few dark haired people were clearly family members, but Debra had rarely mentioned her family. A young woman with red eyes is clearly her sister. A handful of other women and men had arrived together, and Ryan guesses they are whatever friends she had and their significant others. Lastly, there are bureau members. They outnumber the amount of friends and family combined. All of them are wearing stony expressions.

The winter wind chills Ryan to his bones, and he shoves his gloved hands into his coat pockets. The small group surrounds the coffin as it is lowered to the ground, and they all look down. After a moment, he and some other men he recognizes from the investigation, including Mike, are handed shovels. They each toss dirt on top of the coffin—on top of Debra, where she will be forever.

Funerals are too normal for him. He has gotten far too used to burying the ones he loves in the ground. First it was his mother, then his father, and finally his brother. He doesn't want to do it anymore. He _can't _do it anymore.

Looking up from the ground, his eyes meet Mike's for a moment, before they both look away. They should have saved her. They should have driven faster. The guilt and grief had consumed them both, even when one of Debra's last breaths was taken to tell them it wasn't their fault.

Skipping the luncheon seems like a good idea to Ryan. He walks across the parking lot towards the car, and hears footsteps behind him. He knows who it is before he turns around.

"Not going to the restaurant?" Mike asks. Ryan shakes his head.

"I'm just ready to go home."

"Well, you can't. There's a major storm pounding New York City. Your flight's probably been cancelled." Ryan swore, and checked his phone with numb fingers. Mike was right. He wouldn't be leaving till tomorrow afternoon at the earliest.

"Are you going?" He inquired of the younger man.

"To the lunch? Not if you're not."

"Well, then let's get in the car before we catch hypothermia." Ryan yanks open the driver's side door and slides in, jamming the key into the ignition and cranking the heat.

The two sit in the warming car for a few minutes, saying nothing. All the cars have left, and they are alone. Ryan rests his arms on the steering wheel and leans his head against them. He is so tired, physically and mentally. Joe Carroll has taken too much from him that he can never get back. So many people, some innocent and some not, died during this ordeal. Claire, Joey, Mike, and even himself almost did, too. But this, killing Parker for a stupid plot twist in a stupid book written by a deranged man, was the final straw, and if he wasn't dead, Ryan would kill Joe Carroll in the most painful way possible.

He looks over at Mike, whose face is in his hands. Ryan can't decide if he should look away and give Ryan his dignity, or comfort him, so he chooses an awkward combination of the two which turns out to be just looking at Mike while saying nothing at all.

More time passes. The car windows have fogged up. Mike discretely tries to wipe his tears away but when he sees Ryan watching him, he just shrugs and sighs, leaning back in the seat.

"Can we get out of here, please?" He doesn't have to ask twice.

They go back to Ryan's hotel room. Neither has any desire to eat, so they don't call room service. Ryan's doctor told him he had to stop drinking all day long if he didn't want to kill himself, so the mini bar is off limits as well. Ryan makes a shitty pot of coffee in the bathroom and pours him and Mike each a cup. Neither of them drinks it.

The hotel room has only one bed and they lie on it. Ryan is concentrating on nothing but his breathing, and he can feel Mike moving next to him, getting under the covers. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the other man's chest rise and fall. He is asleep.

Ryan's eyes start to close and half awake, he kicks off his shoes and throws off his jacket. He gets under the covers and slides next to Mike. Their legs touch and their arms overlap, and they are closer than friends but farther apart than lovers.

**Ugh guys the season finale really bummed me out. I can't believe they killed Parker. Her, Ryan, and Mike were my brot3. And also, did Ryan and Claire really have to be stabbed at the end? I mean, it's not like they stabbed anyone during any other episode or anything like that -.- I feel like next season it's going to be GASP SHOCKING PLOT TWIST JOE DIDN'T ACTUALLY DIE IN THE FIRE (How Pretty Little Liars would that be, eh?). But out of this show I got Hardston, which I think is a quality ship, even if you ship it platonically and not romantically. If you liked this, please let me know by reviewing! (Or just sending me good vibes) And for anyone that's interested, soon I'll be publishing oneshots for Supernatural, Hannibal, and Pretty Little Liars.**


End file.
